In a recent conversation with another minister, I mentioned a friend who asserted that she was closer to God before she went into ministry. My colleague responded, “that’s her problem; her responsibility. I have no sympathy for someone who is not nurturing their own spirituality.” On the surface, his answer made perfect sense, but it continued to nag at me. I’ve finally learned to pay attention to such gnawing and have decided I disagree wholeheartedly with my friend, who is currently not in the “plum” position of serving a congregation.
I realized I don’t know anyone—clergy or layperson—who has drawn closer to God as a result of experience in the church. Church tends to test faith rather than nurture it. Church is the place where we practice being very human, beset as we are by all kinds of conflict and power-plays. Church is a place for learning patience. It is a place where we can use or develop a variety of skills—communication, organization, fundraising, and money-management. All of that is lovely and does indeed build character. It is not what necessarily deepens our walk with God.
Most people I know who are bumping up against a certain level of spirituality find they must leave the church, at least for some time. They must leave the noise, the impossible demands and trite activity. They must learn how to live with God, be in God’s space rather than in their own. This can be a most trying circumstance, coming generally later in life, often during crisis. It generally requires a momentary release from “the race.”
Is this counter-intuitive, even an escape? The opposite is true: church life is the escape. There parishioners gather to discuss, argue, and recite theology—talk about God—effectively shutting God out. Ask any active church member about their life and conversation with God. You will likely receive a puzzled look. At best you may get a recitation about prayer life that is lifted from a devotional book—what talking to God is supposed to be like. Those who are really talking to God have no words for it; no easy description. The church, in contrast, is all about words, all about the busy-ness of faith.
Take these two holiday stories: First Baptist Church of Orlando recently had a televised production of their “human singing Christmas trees,” the latest in a line of holy Christian traditions. Because the people stand for so very long to achieve this sentimental menagerie, they have “tree monkeys,” people who go along unseen, massaging the legs of the singers during the show. This is the same church who hollers long and hard about homosexuality being unnatural. Does anyone else find this bizarre?
The second story is less amusing, but very much to-the-point. A music director told me he had to punch up the ending of “Joy to the World” for his church’s Christmas Eve worship service. It lacked a certain…something, which he achieved by adding, in his words, “a Disney-esque” finale. Perfect. Ready for worship. God will be even more pleased and the congregation will get goosebumps. I, however, am holding out for the inclusion of a big laser show.
Want to find God? Get out of the church.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Religious but not Spiritual
As a newly-single woman, I’ve had occasion to check out some of the computer dating sites: eharmony, match.com. It’s a fascinating world where people put forth a personal resume, hoping to attract the perfect mate.
Match.com doesn’t mess around, inviting clients to choose from a list of physical and personality attributes and writing some short descriptive essays. It depends totally on the person revealing the truth. I wonder if anyone marks themselves, for instance, as “overweight.” There are more prudent choices, such as “carrying a few extra pounds.” Why not? Check.
Eharmony has its own process, which includes an in-depth personality test. While clients have some room for brief essays, “matches” are chosen according to the survey questions. One would expect this to be an excellent tool, but the results are mixed at best, causing us to bend our heads around some rather curious prospective dates. Most of mine seem to enjoy mountain climbing, scuba diving, and traveling to new and adventurous places. It must be the up-and-coming trend. Brevard County is also apparently full of middle-aged surfers searching for “surfer girls.” Among the attributes described as “turn-ons” are body piercings and erotica.
This is all very interesting, but one profile question has especially caught my eye: a multiple choice selection about religion. One can choose Christian, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, Other, or my personal favorite, Spiritual but not Religious. This seems to be very popular, right up there with “traveling to new and adventurous places.” One problem is that the “Christian” designation draws a whole lot of the Jesus Freaks, for which there is no box, more’s the pity. My personal guideline is to discard anyone who mentions Jesus/God more than once in the brief essay answers. I expect some thought of God, some spiritual depth in most anyone. The person who has to harp on it in a dating site is suspect.
Which brings me to this question: why is there no box for “Religious but not Spiritual”? I know some will argue that there’s no such thing: we are all spiritual beings. Still, the more unorthodox designation would encompass most of the people I know, especially those who go to church. The institution seems a place to keep so busy that one’s spiritual life has little opportunity to intrude. I remember one Lenten season when we offered a series on spiritual practices. Despite the fact that dinner was also served, we only drew a half a dozen people out of a congregation of 300. Our leadership, the most involved folks, were nowhere in sight.
It’s not just the church laity but also the pastorate who fall victim. As clergy, we become burdened by budgets and Bible studies, Sunday school programs and stewardship drives. We only think of God once a week as we write our next dissertation about the Holy One. This serves to remove the Almighty to the distance of intellectual exercise.
Being spiritual, I would argue, is rarer than people would like to believe. Being religious, conversely, is easy. There are rules: show up, say the words, pay the tithe. Easy. Being spiritual is the real trick, requiring a vulnerability few wish to engage. There are no rules. It is the soul’s true answer to “traveling to new and adventurous places.”
As for me, being a 48 year-old woman “carrying a few extra pounds” and unencumbered by provocative piercings has left me on the margins of the internet dating scene. That’s okay for now. I have a lot of catching up to do with God.
Match.com doesn’t mess around, inviting clients to choose from a list of physical and personality attributes and writing some short descriptive essays. It depends totally on the person revealing the truth. I wonder if anyone marks themselves, for instance, as “overweight.” There are more prudent choices, such as “carrying a few extra pounds.” Why not? Check.
Eharmony has its own process, which includes an in-depth personality test. While clients have some room for brief essays, “matches” are chosen according to the survey questions. One would expect this to be an excellent tool, but the results are mixed at best, causing us to bend our heads around some rather curious prospective dates. Most of mine seem to enjoy mountain climbing, scuba diving, and traveling to new and adventurous places. It must be the up-and-coming trend. Brevard County is also apparently full of middle-aged surfers searching for “surfer girls.” Among the attributes described as “turn-ons” are body piercings and erotica.
This is all very interesting, but one profile question has especially caught my eye: a multiple choice selection about religion. One can choose Christian, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, Other, or my personal favorite, Spiritual but not Religious. This seems to be very popular, right up there with “traveling to new and adventurous places.” One problem is that the “Christian” designation draws a whole lot of the Jesus Freaks, for which there is no box, more’s the pity. My personal guideline is to discard anyone who mentions Jesus/God more than once in the brief essay answers. I expect some thought of God, some spiritual depth in most anyone. The person who has to harp on it in a dating site is suspect.
Which brings me to this question: why is there no box for “Religious but not Spiritual”? I know some will argue that there’s no such thing: we are all spiritual beings. Still, the more unorthodox designation would encompass most of the people I know, especially those who go to church. The institution seems a place to keep so busy that one’s spiritual life has little opportunity to intrude. I remember one Lenten season when we offered a series on spiritual practices. Despite the fact that dinner was also served, we only drew a half a dozen people out of a congregation of 300. Our leadership, the most involved folks, were nowhere in sight.
It’s not just the church laity but also the pastorate who fall victim. As clergy, we become burdened by budgets and Bible studies, Sunday school programs and stewardship drives. We only think of God once a week as we write our next dissertation about the Holy One. This serves to remove the Almighty to the distance of intellectual exercise.
Being spiritual, I would argue, is rarer than people would like to believe. Being religious, conversely, is easy. There are rules: show up, say the words, pay the tithe. Easy. Being spiritual is the real trick, requiring a vulnerability few wish to engage. There are no rules. It is the soul’s true answer to “traveling to new and adventurous places.”
As for me, being a 48 year-old woman “carrying a few extra pounds” and unencumbered by provocative piercings has left me on the margins of the internet dating scene. That’s okay for now. I have a lot of catching up to do with God.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Up Side of the Downslide
This is my first economic depression, and I must admit to finding a little secret joy in it. My 93 year-old granny has been here before and remembers the bad days with a bit of fondness: people working together, folks showing generosity with what little they had, a free market that was really about creating new jobs and financially secure employees. In my almost-half-a-decade, I have seldom witnessed such things. My generation has been mostly devoted to the almighty “me”-- to an individualistic spirit of competition for a rich reward and out-of-control spending as a form of worship.
We weren’t going to change for any altruistic reasons, though there are plenty to choose: our country has the second-highest infant mortality rate in the industrialized world, 47 million of our workers are uninsured, and our country’s children are threatened not only with poor educations but also poor physical and emotional health. The growing number of homeless families was not enough to move us until our own homes were threatened by foreclosure. And there’s the rub: now we are becoming a growing part of the statistics we hear bantered on CNN. Now those sorrowful numbers are devouring us and our proud families.
The upside is that when pushed to the brink of poverty, we do change. We revolt. We refuse to purchase gasoline at $4/gallon. We are done with CEO’s who maneuver around the country on private jets. We are sick of bailing out the rich. What may be around the corner, then, is a return of the middle class. The pendulum swings, and if you’ve been living high on the hog, you may be about to suck hind tit. At least that’s my little dream. I’m fine living through this depression, as long as we share the consequences with our brothers and sisters up in the big house.
We weren’t going to change for any altruistic reasons, though there are plenty to choose: our country has the second-highest infant mortality rate in the industrialized world, 47 million of our workers are uninsured, and our country’s children are threatened not only with poor educations but also poor physical and emotional health. The growing number of homeless families was not enough to move us until our own homes were threatened by foreclosure. And there’s the rub: now we are becoming a growing part of the statistics we hear bantered on CNN. Now those sorrowful numbers are devouring us and our proud families.
The upside is that when pushed to the brink of poverty, we do change. We revolt. We refuse to purchase gasoline at $4/gallon. We are done with CEO’s who maneuver around the country on private jets. We are sick of bailing out the rich. What may be around the corner, then, is a return of the middle class. The pendulum swings, and if you’ve been living high on the hog, you may be about to suck hind tit. At least that’s my little dream. I’m fine living through this depression, as long as we share the consequences with our brothers and sisters up in the big house.
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